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From First Glance to Happily Ever After: My Approach to Relationship-Building Through Twitter

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Since joining Twitter I’ve found that few people approach it the same way. It’s a bit like dating: Some people spill their guts on the first date; others wait until things are more serious before showing all their cards. Some dates natter on incessantly and contact you every 10 minutes, and others you only hear from every 3 months (when they’re hoping you have Coldplay tickets). And this is all cool – you have to do what works for you. However, for things to go anywhere, it’s important that people communicate on the same wavelength and seek to understand each other to ensure there’s a good fit. If not, there can be some serious misunderstandings and potentially a lot of wasted time. One of the challenges of trying to communicate on social media tools like Twitter is that it’s tough to grasp the broader context of the person you’re coming into contact with when you only have the 160-character bio and a few tweets to go off of. So to keep things clear and to let people know where I’m coming from, I like to lay it all out at the beginning – just so you know what you can expect. If you’re new to Twitter and aren’t sure what to post or who to follow, or have gotten discouraged at all the noise, here are a few guidelines that I’ve found useful for making Twitter work for me.

alkema11. Making Introductions: Follow - Presently there are over 10 million people on Twitter, and that number is growing everyday. How can you decide whose updates to follow? As a general rule, I follow everyone who follows me. I used to hate trying new foods as a kid, and my mom would always say “How will you know if you like it unless you try it?” While I definitely wouldn’t recommend applying this philosophy to all situations in life, I do think that in the Twitterverse the principle holds true. It is virtually impossible for me to tell if there will be a good connection with someone unless I take the time to get to know them – and that means following them. If I don’t even try, chances are I could miss out on some great interaction, a new friendship, or a good business opportunity. Of course, even my mom couldn’t talk me into trying liver and onions … so if an account looks spammy, fake or something I couldn’t show my wife, chances are I’ll take a pass.

ev32. Breaking Up: Unfollowing - There’s no rule saying that you need to keep following someone once you’ve started – especially if you find their updates annoying, degrading or just plain uninteresting. I like to cut people some slack, but chances are if I start following you and you don’t follow me back, I’ll probably un-follow you. It’s nothing personal – I’m just not a big fan of one-sided relationships. Remember the kid in high school you wanted to shake and say “She’s just not that into you!”? I don’t want to be that kid. Besides, I don’t think you can really get to know someone unless you can communicate personally with them, and on Twitter that means being able to Direct Message (DM) – and Twitter only allows you to send direct messages to the people who are following you. So if it looks like it will be a one-sided relationship, it won’t last long on my end. Other things that turn me off? Tweeple who strongly push their agenda on others, create excessive noise (see point #4 below!) or are just plain mean.

3. Moving to First Base: Interacting- So when do you become BFFs with your new followers or followees? Personally, I’m not one to jump into something – I like to wait until a natural connection point before I interact with a new contact. Sometimes it’s right away – when we start following each other. Other times, I like to sit back, sip a cold drink, and watch. If something comes up that I’m interested in, chances are I’ll reply or DM, and it could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Because of the nature of social media, it takes time to build relationships – to observe character and values and see how people treat others – but I think it’s time well-spent. Now obviously it’s not possible to get to know everyone that you’re following. Having close relations with 10,000 people is verging on ridiculous. Personally I can only manage about 500 best friends ¡ – By the way that was sarcastic… I tend to be that way periodically. To provide assistance in recognizing facetious or cheeky remarks, I often add the sarcasm mark “¡” or a wink.

4. Too Much Information?: What to Tweet About – When I first joined Twitter, I have to admit I was overwhelmed with the vast amount of info coming at me, and I wondered, “What can I possibly contribute to this?” The tweet field on my Twitter homepage asked the question “What are you doing?”… and yet I knew that most of the time the honest answer to that question would bore people to tears! Amidst all the noise, what I quickly grew to appreciate were the people who were continually adding value by sharing great articles they were reading, technology they were using, tips and tricks, life lessons, humour, stories about helping people, and – most of all –  just being authentic and real. These are the things I like to tweet about. The temptation – or downfall – of Twitter is that it can become a platform for narcissism – the “all about me” syndrome. But Twitter can be about more than the sesame seed bagel with sundried tomato cream cheese that you had for breakfast – it can be about what you can offer to help others. There’s a lot of noise pollution out there, and I try to do my part to reduce it. For example, one thing that increases the noise on Twitter is replies that are only targeted for the recipient. This form of tweeting makes Twitter more like an IM tool or a Facebook wall. To reduce this type of noise, I personally tend to DM more so that I can keep my tweets focused on adding value to a broader audience.

5. The Ultweerior Motives:  Why I Tweet -  Everyone has their own reasons for being on Twitter. Full disclosure alert! – the primary reason I take the time that I do to participate in social media is because it’s been very beneficial to my business. In my experience, people like to do business with those they have a connection with and who understand them – I know I certainly do. I’ve met some amazing people through social media – not only new clients, but also new employees who’ve come to join our team or individuals or companies with whom we’ve built strategic partnerships. Additionally, I enjoy meeting new people who I know I may never have any business connection with, but who may share similar interests in social networking, creativity, technology, values, humour, music, and making our world a better place. There’s so much we can learn and share with each other as we journey through life together, and tools like Twitter gives us opportunities to do so like never before.

Like any worthwhile relationship, Twitter takes time. You need to be involved, contribute and listen on a regular basis. But my experiences with Twitter have shown me over and over again it’s well-worth the investment – and if the relationship is handled right, everyone can live happily ever after.

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  • http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net Lin Burress @Telling It Like It Is

    Hi Glenn,

    Twitter is an amazing social media tool for sure. I do not follow everyone who follows me, because more often than not, the tweeps are only tweeting one-way tweets and are not interacting/engaging with ANYONE who follows them.

    I always always always check out new followers profiles and level of interaction (or the lack thereof), as well as my interest level in what they’re tweeting about or what their true agenda is for seeking followers.

    While many business owners are finally getting clued in on the benefits of Twitter for their businesses, far too many are using Twitter the wrong way. ie, one-way tweets and “check out my site” sorta spammy nonsense.

    Personally speaking, I’ve developed online, trusting relationships with tweeps who have businesses of interest to me, and it’s THOSE Twitter users who I willingly seek out when wanting to purchase what they offer.

    It’s because these business Twitter users actually create, develop and manage personal connections with followers, bringing the business aspect down to a personal level.

    Businesses who start using Twitter to increase sales and revenue won’t get very far (with me) if they don’t establish personal relationships with their followers. I want and need to know, Who are you?! Why should I buy something from you vs someone else who I have already built a relationship with on Twitter or other social media tools? Why should I pick you?!

    Trust takes time and effort, but far too many business Twitterer’s are simply clueless about using Twitter, and are just.doing.it.wrong.

  • http://imagexmedia.com Glenn Hilton

    Hi Lin, thanks for commenting. I couldn’t agree more that businesses need to earn trust & interact with their followers. I also fully agree with you that you shouldn’t feel compelled to follow everyone who follows you. As I mentioned there’s a lot of requests I don’t respond to each day and a number I block. However if someone looks legit, I tend to want to give them a little more latitude because I know I was probably pretty annoying & all over the place when I first started tweeting and I’m glad people had patience and gave me a chance. But choosing not to follow can be another good strategy too as it helps people think about why they’re not getting follow backs and hopefully the lack of reciprocation will cause them to adjust their habits.

  • http://Www.strideshoes.ca Tom Taylor

    Hey glen,

    Loved your insite into twitted. I actually signed up and then didn’t do anything with it because of the noise. I am intrigued because I see of as a way to deepen relationships in a very busy and potentially disconnected society.

    Glad I decided to check face book today.

  • http://www.allbusiness.com/sales/customer-service/10783-1.html Glenn

    I agree with Lin. I do check each person’s profile and choose to follow only those who seem to be contributing to the discussion as opposed to delivering a (sales) monologue.

    Of course, my other rule is to automatically follow anyone whose name is “Glenn”:-)

  • http://imagexmedia.com Glenn Hilton

    Hey Tom, great to hear from you. I’m going to try and follow up and write a post for Twitter newbies as you’re right it can all be a bit daunting when you first try and get up and going. And you’re definitely right that there’s great potential for deepening relationships thru social media tools like Twitter. Looking forward to tweeting with you and seeing how it increases the exposure of Stride Shoes. :)

  • http://seeinggood.com/30-ways-you-impress-and-inspire-me-yes-you/ 30 Ways You Impress and Inspire Me (Yes You!) | Seeing Good

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  • http://www.twitter.com/DaveAndHeidi Heidi

    Glenn, this is one of the best explanations of Twitter and why to follow or unfollow I have yet read. Even bookmarked it to read again later. I’m linking to it from Twitter now.

    Heidi

  • http://imagexmedia.com Glenn Hilton

    Thanks for visiting and commenting Heidi. Really glad you found it helpful :)

  • http://imagexmedia.com Glenn Hilton

    I like your rule to auto follow all “Glenn’s” Glenn. I may have to adopt that one too.

  • http://www.alaskalive.net AlaskaLive

    Hello, I found you on twitter, and you added me.. so I always check out who I am tweeting.. and who is tweeting me… Love your website.
    I do a lot of Joomla websites.. and also create sites from scratch with photoshop, dreamweaver, firworks.. flash..

    We have some common interests… good to meet you.

  • http://imagexmedia.com Glenn Hilton

    Thanks for dropping by and I appreciate the props. Glad to hear you’re enjoying using Joomla. You’re Alaska Live social networking site looks great :)

  • http://Marladavisphotography.com Marla Davis

    This is the BEST explanation regarding Twitter for all especially the Newbies.
    I really appreciate your time, information and wise words! Thank you!

  • http://imagexmedia.com Glenn Hilton

    Hey Marla, really glad that you found it helpful. I checked out your website & you do some beautiful photography. I love SoCal and the Long Beach area! PS. This one is gorgeous!

  • http://www.richardsnotes.org Richard

    This is a nice list, found it through a friend on twitter (or course).

    In the early days of flickr lots of people got into quid pro quo contacts: I add you as a contact and expect you to add me, I comment on your images, you should be commenting on mine. This got to be a technique for some to game the system and get images onto explore and in reality, it becomes a full time job to keep up with hundreds of contacts like that.

    I’m relatively new to active use of twitter but I feel the same way about it: quid pro quo connections (I follow you, you follow me, I dump you then you dump me) seems like an unnecessary popularity game added on top of a useful broadcast tool.

    I say broadcast tool because like radio, I don’t think there has to be symmetry between say, The New York Times and me. I follow them but don’t expect them to follow me. To a lesser degree, it’s the same with individuals: If I find you a credible source of information and want to follow you but you don’t find my twitter feed useful then why would I stop following you and deprive myself of all the good stuff you’re broadcasting just because you haven’t helped boost my popularity by following me?

    All of this stuff is fascinating to me, thanks for your post.

  • http://imagexmedia.com Glenn Hilton

    Hi Richard, great thoughts. I agree with you that there’s many times you’ll come across someone who has valuable content that you’ll still want to follow even if they don’t follow you back. For example, I follow Pete Cashmore (@Mashable), Darren Rowse (@Problogger), and Brian Clark (@Copyblogger) and none of them have followed me back. However, if Twitter was just a broadcast tool (like a glorified RSS feed), then you’re right it wouldn’t be necessary to follow so many people back, but I see it as much more than that. For me Twitter is primarily a relationship tool, where I have the opportunity to begin a friendship with someone regardless of their accomplishments or whether they have brilliant things to say every time they tweet. By following someone, you’re letting them know that they are valuable and important and worth trying to get to know. I personally wish I didn’t have to unfollow anyone, but unfortunately Twitter doesn’t allow you to follow more than 10% beyond the amount of people who follow you so if you are hoping to get to know more people, you’re forced to unfollow those who don’t reciprocate. I view Twitter much differently than I do a tool like say Blip.fm. On Blip.fm I don’t follow people who have different music tastes than me as I don’t want my dashboard filled with songs I’m not interested in listening too, but maybe others see Blip differently and wish to listen to everyone’s music who follows them. Some people obviously view Twitter this way too and find it frustrating to have a bunch of noise from people they have nothing in common with and there’s nothing wrong with that. We all look at things differently. :)

  • Jamie Morgan

    Hi Glenn,

    I love this article. I often use the date analagy in my job as a recruiter, so I appreciate your humor and information.

    I am new to Twitter and look up anyone that starts following me, which is how I found your blog. This helps me in getting started.

    Best,
    Jamie

  • http://imagexmedia.com Glenn Hilton

    Hi Jamie, thanks for dropping by. Really glad you found it helpful. I’m hoping to have a new post out shortly for newbies who are getting started on Twitter so check back soon. Hope your experience with Twitter will be as fun as mine’s been so far and that it helps you tons with your recruiting work. :)

  • http://www.issuelab.org Luise

    Two quick things (since you’re so active in reading and responding to comments, which is great!)

    1) As in real life, good twitter relationships should be easy. Don’t push it.

    2) Sorry I can’t attribute this to its original author (I forgot), but rather than saying “what are you doing,” try to answer “what is important to you.”

    Thanks for this post – looking forward to more from your blog.

  • http://imagexmedia.com Glenn Hilton

    Hi Luise, Thanks for contributing. Totally agree with your first point. As soon as someone starts to push things, walls naturally go up. Unfortunately as in real life, not everyone seems to get the social queues of how they come across and the more far removed we are from one another, (not being able to read body language, tone of voice, etc) the more challenging it can be to make good first impressions and start things on the right foot. So your advice to not push things is very applicable. I love the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”. I watched it with my daughters last week and had a good chat about what not to do in dating. The main character was attractive but kept chasing guys away because she was waaay to excited & pushy. Which is not what you want to do on Twitter either.
    In relation to your second point, “What’s important to you?”, I think that’s an excellent reword, and I don’t know the originator either, so I think it must be you. So you need to send that suggestion to Ev, Biz or Jack at Twitter ;-)

    Glenn

  • http://glennhilton.com/2009/06/twitter-welcome/ Glenn Hilton’s Blog » Blog Archive » Twitter Welcome

    [...] From First Glance to Happily Ever After: My Approach to Relationship-Building Through Twitter [...]

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