Glenn Hilton's Blog

Envisioning a Brighter Tomorrow

I once heard a guest lecturer back in College who said something that’s never left me. He said people are only interested in you if you can do one of 3 things for them:

1. Make them look better

2. Make them feel better

3. Give them some kind of advantage

I think about that statement all the time, as I’ve found it to be true to what I’ve seen in my own base tendencies and in my experiences with others. However, even though I believe it is generally the way we humans interact with each other, I really wish it wasn’t the case. I’ve always wanted our world to be a better place, a place in which  people would truly care about each other. I wish we would take the time to see others not as commodities to consume, annoyances to be rid of, or not even worth acknowledging, but instead that we would truly see the value in each person around us. I’m not sure if this really comes naturally to us. When I think back to grade school days, I remember how downright nasty kids could be and – regretfully – how mean I was at times. And as I’ve had to raise my own kids, I’ve seen how much I need to continually remind them to think beyond themselves and be kind to others. I think as we grow older many of us learn to harness some of that raw selfishness – we realize it’s in our best interest to be friendly, courteous or nice because it often helps us in the end. Who wants to buy something from you if you don’t seem to care about what they really need or don’t deal with them in a friendly manner? The difficulty I find is consistently showing that same type of attention to people we don’t have a connection with or can’t help us. Ask yourself: do you really care about others who aren’t benefiting you back in some way? Sadly, I’m not sure if enough of us do – and I include myself here. Often I find I need reminders of how important it is to care about others with no strings attached, as it’s easy to get off track and start getting self-absorbed. Thankfully, though, life seems to have a way to jolt us back into the reality of what we should be doing.

On Friday night I was heading back to my hotel from the #Drupalcon closing party in downtown DC, and my mind was full of thoughts about everyone I’d met and all the implications for my business. As I was walking, I happened to pass a doorway in which  a homeless person was covered up in a heap of blankets. The sight of him lying there all alone in that degrading spot made me pause for a moment. Should I see if he needed anything or maybe go and buy him a hot meal? I told myself that I probably shouldn’t disturb him and then quickly headed on my way, clutching my laptop briefcase. I reasoned that I was in a somewhat seedy area of town at almost midnight and that I should keep moving, but I have to admit that I later regretted not stopping to offer some help or encouragement. I know I can’t possibly help everyone, but for some reason I’d felt compelled to help that one person – and I didn’t. I thought about it again yesterday during my flight back home. I thought back to the time a few years ago when I would regularly go down to visit the homeless in our community just to try and bring them some encouragement. I’d go every Wednesday night (sometimes with friends and sometimes on my own) and bring 3 dozen donuts and 36 coffees & hot chocolates from Tim Hortons to give out. A lot of people would just grab them and high tail it out of there, as they probably figured I must have some sort of agenda. But I didn’t. I just wanted to get to know them and listen to them and hear their stories and try and be a bit of a bright spot in their week. I got to know quite a few people over that year and a half, and heard many interesting stories. Some of the people I met were quite sad, and it made me see how when life goes bad, it’s really easy to get off track and fall into some negative patterns of thinking – and lose hope. My friend Phil Cann used to say that it was like someone would shut off the light behind their eyes. For me, I wanted to go down and help bring it back. But eventually I stopped going. It was a big time commitment and buying all the drinks and donuts added up too. Most of all, I realized that what I was doing was just a drop in the bucket compared to the cost that would really be required of me to truly help them through their challenges – and I wasn’t sure I could give that at that time in my life. So I stopped going. But on Friday night, when I saw that homeless person in the doorway, I realized that I missed doing it. I also realized  that if I was honest, those people did as much for me as I was trying to do for them. They stripped away all my pretension and made me see that I’m no better than any one of them. My story is just different. I realize that had I experienced the same thing they had, maybe I’d be on the street too. Really, can any of us say that we’re impenetrable – that if we had to deal with everything these people have dealt with, we would never lose hope? In truth, our emotionally insecure and fragile lives are really only a couple of steps away from being in the same place.

Though I do miss going down to spend time with the friends I made in the inner city, I’ve come to realize that you don’t have to go down and give out food to homeless people in order to do your part to make this world a better place. There are people all around us who have needs that we can meet – and not because we’ll get something for it, but because I believe that’s what life is all about. It’s about giving back. Some people may live their lives to take as much as they can, but I believe life’s real purpose is in giving back. We’re all a part of a community that’s way bigger than ourselves and it’s our duty and our privilege to share what we have with others, even if we will never gain from it. This can happen in the smallest of ways, by doing things for others that show they matter and that we expect nothing in return. Each day, when we drop our feet over the side of the bed, we need to reach out and put on those rose-coloured shades that will enable us to see what makes each person incredible, unique and beautiful. This week, as I walked through the streets of DC and through the halls of the convention center during Drupalcon, I got to spend time with lots of great people, each of whom are important and matter – not because of what they’ve done, who they know, or how popular, famous or skilled they are. These people are amazing because they are themselves, and NO one in all the world is like them. Take Abraham, for example, the taxi driver who drove me to the Dulles airport yesterday. Though I was feeling tired and considered asking for a “silent ride,”  I decided to chat anyway and was rewarded by the extra time he took to show me some of sites in the DC while sharing his passion about the city he loves and has lived in for the last 18 years. Another example is Ryan from North Carolina, who’s no Drupal rockstar, but rather a novice programmer covered in tattoos with a mop of a haircut and handful of friends on Twitter. But he says everything with a big smile that lights up the room, and I’m glad I had the chance to meet him. Ryan might never be a future hire but I hope in the time we got to spend together this week that he was encouraged and felt like he mattered just as much as anyone else I met at the conference.

I probably could share an equal amount (if not more) of experiences where I have not been very caring or kind. Here’s a good example: leaving a conversation with someone you’re talking to in order to pursue a discussion with another person who might be more advantageous to dialogue with. This is fresh in my mind as this happens ALL the time at conventions like the one I was at this week. You’re talking to someone and you can tell that they actually don’t really want to talk to you as they’re eyeing the person behind you and, sure enough, as soon as they have the chance they’re gone. It definitely doesn’t leave you feeling very important. I actually did that myself this week and regret it- but so goes the daily internal battle. Obviously, there’s the reality that you can’t give equal time to everyone, as you’ll never make it in your business if you aren’t wise regarding where you invest your time. And you can’t meet the needs of all the people around you ,as you’d be perpetually overwhelmed. But if we all do our part to be kinder, more caring and help where we can, even if there’s no benefit to us, then I believe that we will begin to make our world a much better place for a brighter tomorrow.